5-Year-Old Birthday Party

I have worked all week getting my 5-year-old's birthday party ready. It's a spiderman party. I have games having to do with spiders. He really wanted a piñata, so there's a piñata. My little guy has been looking forward to this party all week. He asks every day if when the party will be. I love the excitement.

I have a few more things to get ready before the party begins, and the breakfast dishes still need to be done, the table needs to be cleared. The kids are cleaning their rooms unsupervised (which is never a good thing). And my husband. Where is he? He's curled up in a ball lying in bed.

My first reaction is to get angry. My second reaction is to just work harder, but I know that no matter how hard I work things won't be ready on time without help.

I don't want to hate my husband. I don't want to sit around complaining about him. I want to be able to say nice things about my husband all the time, but sometimes the problems are so glaring in my face that it's hard to see the good. Or sometimes, I feel like there is no good.

It feels like whenever I really need him, that is when he's at his worst. It feels like he does this on purpose. He can function at work, why does he have to give his kids and his wife his worst. But, then again, when is he suppose to be at his worst. If he's at his worst at work he will get fired. (That's another story.)

I hear these women giving glowing reports of their husbands and I feel jealous. I wish I could give glowing reports of my husband. Who would have thought that a person's compliments of their spouse would hurt someone else.

It takes will power to not complain about my husband to my friends. Sometimes I slip up because my feelings are boiling right underneath the surface. Then I have to repent.

Well, my husband did drag himself out of bed did some dishes then went back to bed, then dragged himself out of bed again did a few more, then went back to bed. I finished the dishes. He even hung in the background during the party and  helped a little. The party was a success.

It's Catching

Does anyone know where Princess Daisy and the Magical Merry-Go-Round is? It's the library book that was due on Sunday and it's Wednesday. I'm getting charged 25 cents a day in over due fees. I think library books will be the death of me!

I'm sitting at my computer surrounded by trash, junk, mess, absolute chaos. I'm so sick of sitting here in the mess, and yet, I have no motivation to get up and move at this moment. My 7-year-old is whining on her way up the stairs saying "I want to pay battleship." Yes, I could make time, but I don't feel like it. My 5-year-old has a birthday party on Saturday and I have a LOT to do to get ready for the party. I don't want to.

I would say I'm depressed, but I'm not allowed to be depressed. My husband is the one with the mental illness, so I don't get to use that excuse. I have to be strong ALL THE TIME. I'm the sane one. But it's so tiring sometimes. I don't want to the be the adult, the sane person, the responsible one all the time. I need a break, but unfortunately I just had one and now is not an opportune time. Time to push my way through the cold molasses. Pushing! (Speaking of cold molasses, my internet is working slow today.)